Those who know me well know that my subconscious hates me. And not just in a quietly vindictive, smouldering, muttering “bitch.” under its breath when I walk by kind of way. no, my subconscious hates me actively, with much fiery vengeance and torment.
Last night I had the latest in a lifelong, ongoing series of Unwelcome Sex Dreams. Generally about coworkers, and this one was no exception. He and his wife, who had fallen in with a bad crowd of role-playing nerd gamers BENT ON VIOLENCE had decided to sacrifice me – kill me – to appease their nerd Gods and make their nerd quota. I naturally decided that to escape this fate, I would seduce him. It got graphic. And then today I had to talk to him several times at work, while refusing to make eye contact and trying not to remember that a scant 12 hours ago, dream me and been huskily suggesting to dream him that he should take off his shirt. Oy ve, brain. I get it, already.1) 2) My company Christmas party is coming up in 6 weeks or so. I’ve lost weight, so none of my pretty dresses (or jeans, shirts, sweaters, blouses, underwear….) fit me anymore, and I felt kind of excited to buy a new something shiny. So I went and tried on a bunch of dresses tonight. The results weren’t great….this one was too big in the bust, this one too small in the butt (Bethy got back.), this one too long, this one unflattering. Then I tried one on that I really liked, but it was too big, so I asked the saleswoman if she could get me the next size down. She came back and said “Sorry, we didn’t have the next size down, but we had one TWO sizes down.” and I said that there was no point, but thank you. But she said why don’t I just try it on. And so I figured why not – if the zipper breaks I can say it’s her fault for forcing me into a satin sausage skin.
And it looked really great.
And it was 40% off.
And that’s how I ended up buying a size 12 dress.
…you guys. I was a size 22 like 9 months ago.
The dress is a fluke – most of what fit me were size 14s….but seriously. That’s amazing. I’m so grateful.